#generousJanuary; post 5

Last night I slept unbelievably well – the kind of sleep where you wake up in the morning and the sheets and blankets are basically undisturbed, letting you know you didn’t toss and turn. It was the perfect night – slightly chilly to snuggle up, I had showered but my hair wasn’t sopping wet on the pillow, I had just put clean sheets on the bed… and I had bought myself two new pillows.

It’s silly, I know, but I forget I can do things like that. I’m not very good at spending money on myself anyway and pillows are just there… until they’re really not. But there’s often something else that’s more of a priority or flashier. I don’t take the tags off of clothes. I have buyers remorse even on purchases that bring me joy AND are useful (like my crockpot). I’m just gonna say it: I have money issues and they show up in how I treat myself. So generosity shout-out to me… for treating myself like I’m worth it. And for literally putting my money where my mouth is when it comes to walking the talk of self-care and joy-of-life.

I’ve also been reflecting a lot recently on love and how many acts performed in the name of love are actually fear-based. How many times do we try and protect the people we care about from something or some truth because we’re afraid of losing them… yup. That’s not love. That’s fear. How often do we hold ourselves back – saying we’re protecting ourselves and it’s an act of love when really, we’re diminishing our growth, limiting our learning opportunities, and sending ourselves the message that we are not the infinitely strong and loving Beings that we are? Again, that’s not love – it’s fear. So when I see and hear stories of people like my friends Ashley N. and Jackson, who adopt older pets as animals – knowing that they will grow to love these creatures with all their hearts, only to ‘have’ them in their lives for a short time – and doing it so the animal can live out its last days knowing love and care… I see people who are choosing love over fear. They are courageously looking the certainty of a broken heart in the eye and saying that it’s worth it. They are giving of themselves, their time, their resources: all in the name of spreading love – and not just among other humans. If only we could look at each other in such a way – not afraid of the outcome, knowing it will most likely end in heartache in some way or another, and still walking in, eyes wide open, heart held out in our hands… the most generous offering we could ever give.